Pillow talk

Dean Martin croons: ‘Send me the pillow that you dream on, Darling, so I can dream on it too.'
For seventy some years I never slept on a pillow, except occasionally to compensate for a lumpy piece of ground on a walkabout down under or a musty canvas cot in Hippo Camp beside Lake Naivasha, I never fancied a pillow. And then I got cocky. I volunteered for too many hours, stepped up to fill community's gaps in public service, gorged on my favorite foods, and thumbed my nose at my gastric system. The acid reflux I never understood developed into a big time nightmare.
Everyone seems to recognize heartburn and bilious stomach as normal results of the enjoyable pastime of eating. Drugstores have chalky liquids for sale, no prescription needed, which do indeed alleviate the symptoms. So most folks breathe a sigh of relief and go on committing havoc on their ordinarily lovely human bodies. The ongoing sneaky result is weight gain.
My body didn't let me get off so easily. All three hundred muscles in my torso screamed. I could not get up from my bed. I had to roll off the side and pull myself up by the door frame. How could I hurt so badly when I was in relatively good health? After three thousand dollars worth of high tech imaging and other sophisticated machines the culprit was discovered. Not a vengeful gnome punishing me for refusing to buy a cuckoo clock in the Black Forest. Not a dazzling bug sneaking into the orange duck in Peking. Not a tricky scorpion goose-stepping into my boot during a trek across the Serangeti.
Right here in my comfy snug little house I was convulsed into submission by an esophageal ulcer from overeating. After fasting for the tests, faithfully taking a $10 a day pill for 2 months, and avoiding most of the stuff I love to eat, I am much better. I am off the pill and back on bits of favorite foods but I haven't given up the pillow - the first suggestion to prevent acid from coming up in my throat while I sleep. Forget it Dean, you won't get my pillow, no matter how sweet you croon.
Naomi Sherer