Thought for the day

April 21, 1999

I was channel-surfing this evening and as I scanned passed CSPAN I thought I saw Alfred E. Newman (Coverboy from "Mad" magazine) giving a speech in what looked like a gymnasium. As it turns out, it was just Gary Bauer, arch-conservative and now "Presidential Wannabe."

I've never seen this guy before. In fact, when I first heard he was running I thought it was that "Eddie Bauer" who makes designer clothes and other stuff you would probably find in an L.L. Bean catalog. I thought, "That guy thinks he can be the President?" Turns out he's a different Bauer but that's OK, I'm not sure how much flannel the country could stand.

Anyway this little man finishes his speech and steps into the crowd of High School students in his hometown (I guess) of Newport, Kentucky AND COMPLETELY VANISHES! He's so short that the camerapeople standing next to him have to hold their cameras pointing DOWN at the floor to even see him. Whatever, he's short, that doesn't mean he's couldn't be Commander In Chief.

I sent e-mail to Mr. Bauer's campaign a couple of weeks ago around the time that the war broke out in Kosovo. I wanted to know what his position was on the war and on capital punishment. You see, Gary's website claims that his number one priority is to "Defend all human life equally." I thought he was probably either lying or trying to hide the fact that he's a complete pacifist. Guys like Bauer define "human life" as something that begins at conception and ENDS AT BIRTH. They have no problem with executing "humans" (even though this book they pretend to believe in, called "the bible" forbids it) and they have no problem sending assassins to Latin-American countries to "help defend the hemisphere from communism" (again, in direct violation of their professed religion).

So did Bauer or his staff ever send me a reply clarifying his position or trying to tell me that capital punishment doesn't count and neither do the thousands of men, women or children that the CIA helped "disappear"? Get real. This isn't even a REAL CAMPAIGN. Bauer isn't really running for President, at least not in 2000. He's just raising awareness in hopes that at some future date somebody might remember him. Or possibly, he might be angling for a shot at the number two position for somebody like Dan Qualye. Say! Quayle could use an (even bigger) doofus to make him look more "presidential" by comparison. It worked for George Bush!