Yesterday was the final performance of a concert by the name of "Ozzfest '99" which you should be able to guess from the name, featured Ozzy Osbourne. This year though, he was performing with the band that originally made him famous, Black Sabbath. My son has become quite a fan of heavy metal music and can play many of the songs on both drums and lead guitar. He also plays sax, but there's not much metal that features a saxophone.
This performance was at the "Glen Helen Pavilion" in San Bernadino. This venue is also known as the "Blockbuster Pavilion" when purchasing tickets online, but all the highway signs say "Glen Helen." We had never been to this place and there are some things I wish I had known in advance. First of all, parking. The gouging starts as soon as you arrive at Blockbuster/Glen Helen Pavilion. Parking is $10 for the boondocks and $15 for the quarter-mile lot. For that price you probably expect covered valet parking with a complimentary carwash. Sorry. That's $15 to park in a dirt field!
So there we were, it's 9:00am on a beautiful Southern California day. Not too hot, so we got out of the car and sat on the trunk and watched the other fans arrive. The gates opened a little after 10:00 but no one else seemed to be in a big hurry to go in, so we weren't either. After all, our tickets had a reserved seat location in the lawn section (whatever that was) so I wasn't worried. Finally, around 11:00 curiosity got the better of us and we headed for the gate.
Another thing I wasn't sure about was bringing chairs or blankets. The only picture that Blockbuster has on it's website shows people relaxing on the grass. Some are sitting on blankets, some seem to have short lawn/beach chairs. I brought a blanket and pillows, but didn't want to lug them around all day, so I figured that we could come out and get them later. After all, I paid the extra money to park in the "preferred lot" so I would be close to my car. OH OH! My son Alex has a wallet on a chain, and they don't allow chains of any kind. I guess because they might conceivably be weapons. Oh well, I foolishly felt "safer" because of this and we walked back to the car to drop off his dangerous wallet/chain.
Back to the gate and through the security checkpoint (they frisked us!). OK, we're almost inside! WAIT! A woman at the gate with an armload of souvenirs is pleading with the ticket-takers to go out to her car to drop off the booty. She is told that once inside, there is no exit, PERIOD. This stopped me in my tracks. I had those blankets, not to mention water, a change of clothing and extra suntan lotion. What should I do? The ticket boy said "No chairs, no blankets, no outside beverages." Well, that certainly settled that. I thought about my 35mm camera, but the thought of walking another half-mile helped me decide that I could do without that too. Inside we went!
OK, here we are. Just past the ticket-takers the rows of booths begin. The first one is giving away cigarettes and there's one selling Jack Daniel's and many, many selling beer. It's gonna be quite a day. Hey, wait a second, what the hell is that? A booth selling chains (both attached and unattached to wallets). Shit, there goes my fleeting sense of safety.
Nothing is supposed to start on the main stage until 2 or 3 pm, so we wander toward the second stage by way of the "lawn." Probably a good time to scope out our seats. Hmm, this is interesting. Although our tickets have row and seat numbers, there are NONE on the lawn. Cool. We're WAY early and we can sit where we want. On to "Never Never Land." That's a line from an Ozzy song and the name for the carnival that follows his festival. There are contests and booths and all sorts of diversions for us. We turned left at the nipple-piercing booth and went through the inflatable arch into the second stage area. Slipknot is on stage and they're really rocking, they're followed by Static X. The signs about "No body surfing" are being roundly ignored and fans are riding across the crowd on the arms of other head-bangers. Very cool. Alex wants to be in the middle of it too. So we slide down until we can't push any further. The day is hot and so is the music. It's not noon yet and Black Sabbath isn't due up until at least 9:30 PM!
We drifted back and forth between the stages and the carnival for a few hours. Fender has a guitar display setup where Alex tested out a Stratocaster. He really has his heart set on the Warlock by B.C. Rich, but the Strat was nice. Plus, it was under some shade. Something I was fast realizing was in short supply (actually, there's NONE to be had anywhere around the stages or the lawn). American Express was giving out gifts to all the metal heads who signed-up for a card. And Planned Parenthood was handing out condoms. I was wondering how much requirement there was for their wares during Ozzfest. I've spoken to my son about sex, but hadn't really planned a field-trip for it. "Uh, see there son? THAT'S how doggie-style is supposed to work!" But hey, it's all good. The crowd is still growing but everything is cool. There are plenty of sheriff's and yellow-shirted security (rent-a-cops) but the fans are really enjoying the music and nobody is hassling anyone.
I should mention the demographics of our gathering. We're predominantly male. Mostly young. I'd guess mid-twenty average. There are women, 20% maybe 25% tops. And it seems almost all Caucasian. The last Ozzy concert I remember I saw only one, single, black face in all the thousands of fans. That's not because the music is racist. I cannot think of a single song by Ozzy, Black Sabbath, or any of the other bands present that was derogatory towards any ethnic group. Today, I saw perhaps five or six people of apparent African heritage. Maybe another dozen of oriental decent. Other than that, we were pretty damn white. I would have said "lilly" but that sounds proper and this gathering was definitely not proper. The tone was set back in the "preferred parking" dirt-lot when I saw a T-shirt that said "Jesus is a fucking cunt". Profanity is not allowed it is required. One song involved having the audience scream "fuck you" at the band after each of their lines. It wasn't my idea, the lead-singer demanded it. The starched-white deputies stood by shaking their heads, probably longing for Conway Twitty or Willie Nelson.
And on the subject of T-shirts and signs, I saw some great ones. One had a picture of jesus on the front under the words "Have you seen this man?" The back said "Me neither." I also enjoyed the guy in the shirt that said "Vagitarian." If you enjoy watching people like I do, you would have enjoyed this festival. Although the fans were all white, there was LOTS of color.
By 3:00 it was really hot and there were lots of fans present and more filing in all the time. I was worried about us until someone figured out how to turn the sprinklers on. The guards were pretty funny. They would run over to the spot and have one yellow-shirted flunky actually stand on the sprinkler head to prevent anyone from getting any of the (free) water while the other eight or ten of them tried to figure out where the control unit was so they could turn it off. Meanwhile, other fans were turning on other sprinklers. We ran through them like I haven't in years. The water was cold and felt marvelous. We got our hair wet and even soaked our souvenir shirts and tied them around our heads to try to beat the heat. It was pretty hot and I was getting bored with the lame videos on the one visible screen behind center stage. Bring on the bands, Dammit.
Finally. The marquee acts!
We heard from "deftones," "Godsmack," "Slayer," "Primus," "System of a down," and "Rob Zombie." Slayer and Rob Zombie were the best. They were really rocking and Zombie put on quite a stage show. By the time they came on, the sun was down and we were really ready to see a show. It was at about that time that I realized that I not only DIDN'T need to worry about explaining public copulation, there weren't even any bare breasts! Geez, is Metal becoming politically correct too?
I should explain that the bands did NOT follow each other directly. Instead, there was a break of about half-an-hour as the roadies rearranged the stage. During that time we were subjected to a canned speech (I thought it might have been live the first two times I heard it) from someone calling himself "Crusher." Who, in a lame British accent, entreated us to drink beer, smoke pot and get rowdy. By sunset, we didn't need any encouragement. The pizza boxes and concert flyers were being gathered to create bonfires against the the coming chill. And the sprinklers and the mudslides they gave rise to, were being converted into fodder for a really cool mudslinging contest. Not the sort I usually write about. Actual mud and generally anything else available, was being hurled around for entertainment between acts. Alex and I found a nice corner were we could enjoy the bands when they played and avoid the rest of it when they weren't .
The Sheriffs tried exactly one time to extinguish the fires. They escorted a dozen or so yellow-shirts in with some fire extinguishers and then they ran like hell as the mud and garbage flew and they realized that there were nearly 50,000 drunken/stoned fans to their paltry few dozen officers! They may not be rocket scientists, but they have at least a vague sense of numbers and knew they were in a bad situation. Even with their 9mm's, they would have quickly been disarmed and probably had them "holstered" in an anatomically uncomfortable place if they hadn't run away.
Another 30-something fan commented to me "Oh, great. Now they'll get the tear-gas." Huh? "Yeah, when they realize they're in deep trouble, they usually gas us." Shit. Let's see, we're behind this fence in a place where a crush of fans toward the exit cannot get us. I guess that's all I can do to protect us. I wish they'd start the next band....
After Rob Zombie, Black Sabbath finally took the stage. This is, obviously, the featured act. We are promised that we are witnessing the very last performance EVER in the USA. Of course those of us old enough to remember Ozzy's previous "Last" tour and the following "Retirement Sucks" tour have to chuckle knowingly to each other as we multiply the $30 ticket price by the 50,000 announced attendance and add in the $7 beers. Sure it's the "very last tour." No, really, we believe you.
Hmm, that's interesting. Ten deputies on horseback have taken up station behind us and are sitting tall and proud atop their mostly white horses. The closest fire is out and the mosh circle that surrounded it has dissipated. The officers seem so confident. But I notice that there are at least 5 other large fires on the other side of the vast sea of bodies and although there are two choppers circling overhead, no move is being made to shut them down. The band plays on.
It's nearly over. Ozzy has said that as long as we cheer, they'll play on, but I'm even more skeptical of this than of his "last tour" promise. I figure we've got one encore to go, so I grab Alex and over his protests, head for the exit. People have been leaving since the deputies lost the first mud-fight and so the parking lot is already a mess. Both the "preferred" lot and the free parking areas have to get out through the same two lanes. Talk about poor planning.
We get to the car at the same moment the song ends and the fireworks start. So much for playing as long as we cheered. The fireworks were clearly the planned end to the show and happened at the point they were supposed to. To one side we see a bus being escorted away by several sheriff's cars. Later Ozzy, good show, but you guys are getting too old. You didn't even try. Rob Zombie and Slayer both rocked harder and put on MUCH better stage shows. You had the "star status" to put on the show, but you were NOT the best band!
But the fireworks keep building and building. This is much longer and more intense than what you would see at any Fourth of July show. It makes the nightly Disney shows look, well, Mickey Mouse. And still it goes on. We have moved nearly 50 feet in the last ten minutes and now the explosions overhead are so forceful that every yuppie car-alarm in the hundred acre lot is howling in misguided fear. BOOM BOOM BOOM! And then it is quiet.
Quiet except for the ten-thousand or so cars that are inching inexorably toward the two-lane exit.
Forty-five minutes later, we finally pass the mostly empty cheap parking places and squeeze onto the road toward home. It's about midnight. We had nearly 15 hours at the festival, and that works out to about $2/hour. Not bad. Not bad at all. It wasn't as heavy duty as I would have liked it. I would have gladly traded all the fights (both mud and fist) for some additional topless women but we didn't get hurt so I guess I shouldn't bellyache. None of the bands, least of all Black Sabbath, put on a show that would have been worth paying for individually. But to see so many good bands makes up for their individual lack of commitment. But this was Alex's first live concert and I'm sure it was an event he'll remember for a long time to come.
So, to summarize for those smart enough to learn from my experience: When going to the Glen Helen/Blockbuster Pavilion:
I figured the damage to the pavilion would make the news, but the fans on the other coast at "Woodstock" created so much mayhem that our little fires and mudfights didn't even get a mention. Well, maybe next year's "very last performance ever" will be bigger.