I get a lot of "spam" (unsolicited commercial e-mail) and a lot of worthless e-mail. That's not really news, I'm sure you do too. I delete it without much fuss. I sort of wish I lived in Washington state. They've got a law against it. And if some business sends you spam, you simply file a lawsuit in the local small claims court for a few hundred dollars. The spammers can't afford to come to defend themselves for breaking the law (they're guilty anyway, so showing up would just make it worse). I've heard fairly reliable reports that there's lots of money to be made. But that's not actually my topic.
I also get junk from well-meaning friends. People who blindly forward every fake virus alert and so on. Again, I usually just delete it (even if I lived in Washington, I couldn't sue them.) But today, the message was so stupid that I just had to say something. I highlighted the message below in blue to show the original message. My comments are in black.
Funny how a $100 "looks" so big when you take it to church, but so small when you take it to the mall.
The amount paid in stores is dictated by the price being charged. When you make a purchase, you have something to show for it. When you give away your hard earned money, it seems like you're being more generous because you don't have a fixed minimum amount. You could just as easily piss away $50 instead. The churches have trillions of dollars in assets and yet the "god" they claim to worship says he is all powerful. If that were true, couldn't god create as much money as s/he wanted? Why is god always broke?
Funny how long it takes to serve God for an hour, but how quickly a team plays 60 minutes of basketball.
You've obviously never sat through a basketball game. I can't stand it and to me, it seems to drag on forever. Perhaps the problem is YOU actually don't care for church anymore than I care for basketball?
Funny how long a couple of hours spent at church are, but how short they are when watching a movie.
Well, they're both largely fantasy. The movie (usually) has a plot, and characters. It was designed to entertain you not make you feel threatened enough to "donate" 10% of your gross income.
Funny how we can't think of anything to say when we pray, but don't have difficulty thinking of things to talk about to a friend.
Friends talk back. I think it's "funny" that people could be so gullible so as to spend all their lives begging a mystical super-being for favors and not notice that the only ones "granted" are those that you would have gotten for yourself anyway. Try praying for wings or to change your skin color or to bring your grandfather back from the dead.
Funny how we get thrilled when a baseball game goes into extra innings, but we complain when a sermon is longer than the regular time.
Extra innings (or "Free Baseball") are great for those of us who are fans. It means we have a tie and that means that the two teams are evenly matched. It's "thrilling" by definition. But if you're not a fan, and you were just drug to a game by a spouse, it's much less fun. At least you can get up and walk around, maybe grab an other red-hot or ice-cream cone. The sermon running long is due to poor planning on the part of a cleric. Incompetence is seldom thrilling.
Funny how hard it is to read a chapter in the Bible, but how easy it is to read 100 pages of a best selling novel.
Most of the bibles are written in a dialect that was dead centuries ago. It's worse than making an educated man read "rap" music. Sure, he can puzzle out what they're saying. But jeez, it's sure tedious. I also get sick of the subject. On the other hand, a novel can't get to be "best selling" without being a good read.
Funny how people want to get a front seat at any game or concert, but scramble to get a back seat at church services.
DUH! Concerts and games have something we WANT to see. They're interesting and we attend them on purpose. Churches (especially with inept clerics) are boring in the extreme. They are attended only out of sense of guilt and fear. People are told that (even though the bible clearly teaches otherwise) if you fail to attend you will be punished in hideous ways. That punishment will be administered by the creations of the "merciful god" that people are supposed to be attending church to worship.
Funny how we need 2 or 3 weeks advance notice to fit a church event into our schedule, but can adjust our schedule for other events at the last moment.
You must go to a really crappy church. I know people who not only "fit a church event into" their schedules, they actually attend church more than once a week! You must not really like the church and/or religion otherwise it wouldn't be such a burden. Maybe you should try staying home more often?
Funny how hard it is for people to learn a simple gospel well enough to tell others, but how simple it is for the same people to understand and repeat gossip.
This is the same as the my reply to the "funny" about how hard it is to read the bible. Try getting a version that has been translated into modern language. It's pretty easy to gossip because it has something to do with our actual lives. Instead of fairy tales about imaginary beings and their brutal and repressive tendencies, gossip appeals to a different (but equally sad) part of us, the part that wants to feel superior to others. Wait a minute, maybe that's the same part that makes people feel "holier" than others for not attending church?
Funny how we believe what the newspaper say, but question what the Bible says.
HA! HA! HA! You've GOT TO BE KIDDING! Didn't your parents ever tell you not to believe everything you read? If you're naive enough to believe everything in the newspaper (which was written by people) then I'm surprised that you don't believe the bible (also written by mortal men and translated by order of kings).
Funny how everyone wants to go to heaven provided they do not have to believe, or think, or say, or do anything.
People always want something for nothing. That's what religion was created to provide. It's a way to gain power over people. The reward is something that never has to be delivered on. "I promise that when you die you'll get everything you ever wanted. But for now, my dog needs an air-conditioner and my wife needs gold-plated faucets. So send me your money!" (remember that preacher? He was just one of the millions who have used religion to bamboozle the weak minded.)
Funny how you can send a thousand 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire, but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing.
Lot's of people like to pass jokes around. It's easier than thinking them up for ourselves, and it makes others feel good. I think people SHOULD THINK TWICE before sending messages (like this one that was sent to me) that are intended to make others feel bad about themselves. Think about it, there are three possible outcomes and all of them are negative. 1) You send it to someone who is devout. You're implying that they are aren't trying hard enough to worship and they actually believe that there are dire consequences for that! 2) You send it to someone who believes, but doesn't like to attend church (I suspect this is the preferred victim). To them, you are trying to be "holier than thou." You'll just drive a wedge into your friendship. 3) You reach an enlightened person who might use it as a platform to show how weak your arguments are.
_________ FUNNY, ISN'T IT?
No, it's not funny, and you (the originator of the message) never intended it to be. Funny means humorous or ironic intended to transmit positive communication. Your e-mail was sent to make people feel badly about their actions. If you actually believe (or even read) the bible you would learn that you can go to heaven by believing in Christ. Donations of cash and compulsory service are not required. "Funny" you don't believe in that.