Before this gadget was invented even a family with several children had difficulty in surveying the three networks. Back in the old days, bright children stayed out of the living room where the only television in the house was located in order to avoid the job of ‘channel changer.' This involved standing next to the television and following the father's instruction about when to switch. Once families began moving the old televisions in the parents' bedroom, a new method of finding that nothing was on was required.

The remote control not only solved the problem, but it also challenged the television industry to offer even more channels on which to show the same nothing that was on. Only then could channel surfing become an art form. By staying alert, and a with a little planning, it was possible to watch two or three shows at the same time. And of course, remotes made children obsolete.

I was practicing the art form the other day when I came across a show of people eating worms. In the past I have flipped past scenes of people eating bugs and rats, but worms, since they aren't crunchy, move out of the category of ‘dare' into the realm of nutrition. They are a good source of protein, a sincere someone once told me. I already get enough protein.

So I switched from the cooking channel to the home improvement channel because I never get tired of watching people rearrange their furniture. But there was an interior designer ‘forcing' neighbors to hot-glue feathers to the wall of someone else's bedroom. Now that's just nasty.

The remote control also sets the viewer up for personal best games like ‘how many shows can I watch at once' or ‘find something until the commercials are over.' It also shows the lengths to which networks are willing to go to fill time between advertisements. There is one channel in my expanded basic cable package that could be named ‘The Die Hard' channel. It's just a couple of clicks away from the ‘Law and Order Rerun Channel.' And so it goes, remote control in hand, I click away, determined that ‘something must be on.'

All I need now is a way to get the food from my kitchen to my tv tray without having a child around.