Unsportsmanlike Behavior

 

I don't have what it takes to be athletic. For one thing, I'm short. That means for every step other people take, I have to take at least a step and a half. Being short also means that I don't have the leverage it takes to be strong. As some old Greek put it, 'Give me a long enough lever and I could move the world.' Well my levers are proportioned to a five foot two inch frame, and they can't move much.

There probably are some sports that are suited to my size, but those still require a joy in movement which I do not possess. Swimming is joyless because the water is cold and it takes so long to dry off and look presentable afterward. Games that involve moving balls around never made much sense to me. It's odd to score points for something that is (by any rational standard) pointless. I can put in twenty minutes on the treadmill as long as I go slow enough to read at the same time. I must not even try sit ups because by the time my back goes to the floor the third or fourth time, I start day-dreaming which leads directly to curling up for a nap.

Most athletic activities require being outside which as I have mentioned elsewhere is a nasty place. Indoors is my idea of humankind's greatest invention. Another nasty thing about athletics is poor manners. For instance, how rude it is to win? Braggarts and bores cheer at the artificial superiority displayed in athletic competitions, but really, what does symbolic fighting prove? In recent decades, 'personal best' became an attempt to remove rudeness from athletics. But you still have to sweat.

I've noticed that athletes are less sensitive to pain than I am. I believe that aspirin and a nap are the only way to deal with a muscle spasm. I am constantly amazed to see someone 'walk it off' when they fall down or get battered in a game. Is part of their brain dead? That is another reason that I cannot ever consider myself athletic. I believe that every hang nail requires antibiotic and a bandage.

I think a lot of people feel the same way I do because although we don't inflict our lack of love of sports on other people, we don't participate either. It will be nice when the Olympics are over so we don't have to explain ourselves.

Nancy Sherer

 

 


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