Home From the Sea

I know everyone is anxious to hear about my cruise ship adventures, but first things first. Birds are targeting my car.
I have been parking my car in the same place for more than twenty years, no problem. Yes, rarely a crow might have flown overhead and randomly left a calling card, but that was about it. Something else is going on this year.
First, by which I mean about a month ago, I noticed that some small birds had moved their migration path, but not a big deal. They needed to find their own little niches for nests. I washed my car and thought the entire episode was over. But when we got home yesterday it was apparent that I will be washing my car a lot more often than I used to. But those little twits better not make me angry. I have been known to get cleverly spiteful regarding small animals that annoy me.
Okay, now for my adventures. Where should I start the smoke filled cabin episode? No, wait, maybe first I should write about the haunted safe.
On cruise ships, like in some hotels, each room has a private safe which you set the code for before you close it. This particular, haunted safe was deceptively easy to operate. We should have known something was up from the get go. Okay, I made that up, it wasn't really haunted, but after hearing the tap, tap, tap in the middle of the night what was I supposed to think?
The “what's burning” episode is at least reality based. As was the room of doom we were directed to while the rest of the passengers went to their muster stations to learn how to get into the life boats.
One very funny piece of information I overheard: there is not just water, but food packed on the life boats, which made me wonder how long they intended to leave shipwrecked passengers bobbing around in the ocean? How long after escaping from a sinking ship before people got their appetites back? Like I said, we didn't get close enough to a life boat to find out if the food was stored underneath each seat or if all the survivors would have to rely on the largess of the people sitting in the power seats.
Now that I think about it, our lives were in danger many times during the voyage. And for those skittery few who thought they could find peace and safety in their staterooms during the voyage of the damned, the in-house television looped disaster movies about deadly, contagious flu epidemics, terrorists, and of course, sinking ships.
On the bright side, not once all week did we worry about what might be happening back home, like burglars breaking in or the furnace exploding or little birds pooping on my car. But then, who could have seen that coming?

Nancy Sherer